Of rats and men

Yes, correct. This is a very horrific picture of a giant rat. But hang on a minute, I ask myself, which one are we actually talking about here? I mean, the rat was probably just making his way through the street, minding his own ratty business, off to do a little light rat shopping perhaps? Then, before he knows it, along comes a very over excited (and by the looks of it rather smug) man to spoil his day. It's all a matter of perspective really. And, If my recent experience is anything to go by, this man is also probably cheating on his girlfriend (which the rat would never do - he's very much in love as it happens). So, who's the rat now?




Tuesday 14th April 2009

So why the rat rant? Well, I'll tell you. Just when I thought the world of chat-up lines could not get any worse, it did, and with some enthusiasm. My drinking foray into Blackheath the other day meant that I was lucky enough to experience a hitherto unknown level of male delusion. So, what did the hapless fellow opt for? "I ardently admire and love you", "You're so beautiful", "Can I take you out to dinner some time?". No. None of the above. Brace yourselves (another gem he may have attempted later I suppose)...

"You're in my wank bank".

Stunned silence.

Now even supposing that I am familiar with the phrase "wank bank" (which incidentally I am) how did he honestly think I would find that remotely appealing? Is the thought of him feverishly tugging away at himself in a darkened room in only his socks really supposed to whip me up into a frenzy of uncontrollable passion? I think the most disappointing thing about the whole grizzly encounter was that I only responded with a rather lame "Urr, well, thank you, but all the same I'd like you to get off". Not exactly the witty retort I could have done with. But perhaps most disappointing of all, the nameless man in question had spent all evening telling me how he had got together with his current girlfriend. RAT I tell you.

So, romance is officially dead. It was so depressing that I had to spend the rest of my easter weekend supporting our crumbling economy in Cactus Blue www.cactusblue.co.uk
with Dan the Hat (a very talented barman if you ever fancy dropping in on him) drinking endless lines of Crack Babies. For those of you that are unfamiliar with the crack baby and may wish to drown your sorrows in this highly efficient way, I have included the following recipe:


The Crack Baby

1 tall shot glass
Vodka
Passion Fruit
Rasberry liquer
Champagne float
A disregard for your own personal safety
2 good hard-drinking pals with no sense of when to utter the sentence "I think that's enough, we should all go home now"

Dan the hat - we salute you!